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Monday, 18 April 2016

But They're Not For Cooking

But They're Not For Cooking

Second route for Traps Are Delicious

It is a nice, sunny day. I wake up early, bathe myself with a sweet-smelling bath foam, walk to the Subang Jaya Komuter Station, then switch trains at KL Sentral. I walk out of the Bandar Tasik Selatan Komuter Station and then walk for about ten minutes to reach my new school, the St. Catherine Girl's School. Considering the location and the distance, this school should've been my last choice, even my old school, Blue Sphere is closer, but this is the only place that will accept me within just a week. If I'm allowed to drive though, this is actually pretty close to my home, only 20 minutes away. Since I take the Komuter railway network, it takes me like an hour to reach school instead.

Besides, the reason I had to leave Blue Sphere when my parents divorced in the first place was because it was expensive. Mom couldn't afford even the tuition fees, let alone all the extras such as school trips, club fees and other stuff. I suppose we could've asked dad to continue to pay for it, but it seemed like mom was against that.

When I received the acceptance letter for St. Catherine, I felt a little blessed for having a feminine face. It gave me a bit more option in this case. Although my National ID still identifies me as male, apparently, the school couldn't be bothered cross-checking my photoshopped National ID with the citizen database. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure if schools have access to citizen database in the first place.

Right now, though, I'm feeling a little cursed for having a feminine face.

"Open wide, Rin. Aaaah..."

"Rin, let's go to the canteen together."

"You girls, back off! She's going to have lunch with me."

Yes, it seems like right now, I'm being fought over by three girls. By order of appearance, they are the girly Zara, the bossy Shahira and the sporty Loretta. Normally, I would consider this as heartwarming female bonding, unfortunately, my gut feeling is saying that this isn't normal.

You see...

Zara is sitting next to me, our chairs pressed next to each other while she's feeding me small pieces of boneless chicken using a chopstick. Shahira is pulling my hand insistently. Loretta is hugging my neck tightly, mashing her small boobs against the back of my head while pulling my head on the opposite direction as Shahira.

How come I was never this popular as a boy?

"Knock it off!" I hear a voice scolding them as each of the girls are smacked on the head with a rolled up chemistry textbook.

"Hurts!" Loretta said.

"Aiya!" Zara said cutely.

"Ow!" Shahira cried.

"Don't scare off the new girl, you weirdos," Aerfean says as she hit the palm of her hand with the rolled up textbook.

"But Aerfean... how can I resist this beauty in twintails? She looks so cuuuute!" Loretta says as she rubs her chin on the top of my head.

Thankfully a certain neighbour used hair extension on me yesterday. Had this been a wig, it would've fallen off by now. That would be very bad.

Aerfean smacks Loretta on the head with the rolled up textbook again. "Let go of her right now."

Aerfean is showing some really dark aura right now. Or it's probably just my hallucination from the lack of air. Loretta is hugging my neck too tightly!

Faced with Aerfean's glare and the threat of being hit with the chemistry textbook again, like Loretta, Shahira also raises her hand in surrender and takes a step back. Only Zara is unable to sense the mood and continues to shove pieces of boneless chicken into my mouth, while telling me how cute I look eating the lunch she prepared. She even asks me if I'd like her to prepare lunch for me tomorrow.

Ahh, why couldn't I be this popular as a boy?

Soon afterward, the bell rings and the students slowly trickles back into the class, Zara comes close and whispers into my ears, "I’ll cook for you again tomorrow, okay?"

Mom, dad, is this going to be the spring of my life? Girls cook lunch for their boyfriends, right? Does this mean this cute and sweet girl is my girlfriend? Does this mean I’m not longer single? Is it too much for a boy to hope for?

Except I don’t look like a boy right now. Wait, hold on a minute, doesn’t this make us a lesbian couple? What the heck?!!!


Ding dong!

Comes the sound of the doorbell.

"Who could it be?" I ask while holding my lacquered nails up in the air.

"You're not expecting guests?" a certain neighbour asks.

"No. Who would visit anyway? Mom's not here and apart from the neighbours we exchanged doorgifts with when we moved in, we don't know anyone else."

"Maybe your new classmates?"

"Oh lord, please don't say that, even as a joke! If they actually went out of their way to find out my home, and believe me some of them would likely do it, I will have to wear girl's clothes at all times. Home is the only place I can become a man. Heck, just recalling those girls are making me paranoid of being watched."

"Don't look much like a man when you have these B cups attached permanently on your chest." She pokes my silicone falsies as if to make a point.

"Wait! This is permanent?!!!"

Ding dong!

"Hahaha, I'll let you figure that out." That certain neighbour goes to the door and after checking at the peekhole, opens it slightly.

On the other side of the door are two men wearing AXXA deliverymen uniform, one of them hands her a clipboard to which she signs. Then she opens the door fully, allowing the two men to carry their cargoes inside. Both of them greets me when they see me sitting on the sofa with my fingers raised and my feet resting on the coffee table while I'm waiting for the polish to dry.

"Put it here. Here." She points at an empty spot in the living room. Originally, it was supposed to be a spot for mom's chinaware cabinet, but when my parents divorced, dad wanted the cabinet and its whole contents instead, so that spot has remained empty all this time.

After depositing five cardboard boxes in the living room, the deliverymen leaves followed by that certain neighbour. She thanks them, drops a note of ten into the hand of one of them and closes the door behind them. Then she returns, hugs me from behind and says, "Rin-chaaan, it's a total success ~ They totally think you're a girl."

I groan. "What else would they think when there's someone with a pair of B cup breasts sitting on the sofa while waiting for that someone’s nail polish to dry?"

"I wonder what's inside the boxes." She goes into the kitchen and comes back with a knife.

"Mom won't like it if you open her stuff."

"But it's addressed to you, Rin-chan."

To me? Could it be my Xbox set? Or the whole collection of comics that mom hid from before my PT3 exams? Did dad send them to me from our old home? Could it be all of the above?

"Eh? Are these your old clothes, Rin-chan?"


"Oh, there's girl scouts uniform, I was in girl scouts too! Oh look! School swimsuits! My old school didn't have a swimming pool, so I never had a school swimsuit. And look, isn't this the infamous Mahmud Baginda Volleyball Club uniform that was famous for riding up the butt crack whenever the players make an overhead swipe?"

Girl scouts? School swimsuits? Volleyball club? Mahmud Baginda? Hold on, I have a bad feeling about this.

"Oh look, there's a letter addressed to you."

"Give me!"

Dear Azrin,

After deliberating about what to do with the clothes in the swimming club's clubroom, I've decided not to sell it. With the school closing and the school accounts closed, there is no place for the money to go to. Taking the money for myself would be unethical. Therefore, I've decided to donate it to various schools in the area.

But before that, based on the interest you've shown for the past week, I thought you would want some of it for your own use. So I've picked out some of the clothes that I thought would fit you. All the best in St. Catherine.

You shitty counsellor! I don't have this kind of interest!!!How does he even know I enrolled in St. Catherine in the first place?

"Oh, there's another letter, Rin-chan~"

I press my palms to my face. "I don't want to look at another letter again."

"Oh, it's your end-school certificate from Mahmud Baginda. Oh my, you're female in Mahmud Baginda? A 'binti' too! And this picture is so cuuute! Can I keep this? Pleeeeease?"

I groan inside.


My smartphone makes a sound while I groan at a certain neighbour’s enthusiasm. Reaching for my smartphone, I unlock it and see a new message.

Won't you wear the swimsuit?

Huh? Who the heck is this?


"Caught you!" Shahira calls from behind me, her hands already under my armpits as she tries to do something inappropriate between girls.

Before she can go any further, Zara comes along and shoulders Shahira as hard as her small body is able to. Despite her smaller size, Zara manages to shoulder the unsuspecting Shahira away towards the individual lockers. Shahira’s face hit the door of the locker with a bang and stands unmoving in stunned confusion.

“Good morning, Rin!” Zara greets with a sunny smile as if what happened just now was just my imagination.

“Good morning, Zara!” I turn around and give her a reply, while attempting to forget what just happened.

“Good morning, Rin! You look cute today- oof!” Shahira who finally recovers from her stunned confusion attempts to hug me from the front.

That’s before the smaller Zara pushes Shahira's left cheek against that same locker door, effectively pinning Shahira’s face against the locker. In Shahira’s confusion, she is unable to make any move of resistance. Even I am feeling confused and stands stunned in the locker room. That sweet, cute and small Zara is currently pressing Shahira’s face against the locker without losing her smile. It’s almost surreal.

“Rin, quickly change to your sports uniform, okay? Don’t worry, I’ll keep all the bugs away,” Zara maintains her smile as she watches me with a delightfully innocent smile.

I change my clothes uncomfortably. I can almost hear Shahira and Zara licking their lips as I take off my school shirt. The piercing stares of the two wolves, one with her face still pressed against the locker while the other still making a bright smile which doesn’t reach her eyes, when I start taking off my skirt makes me wish I had worn the sports uniform from home.

“Yo Rin!” Loretta appears out of nowhere spanking my butt, “You’re too thin! You should eat more.”

Zara’s resulting glare feels like it should’ve burned Loretta to cinders where she stands.

Today, we're playing handball. I've never played one before, so the rules are a little hard to follow for me. I've played basketball before, but it was quite different. As a boy in Blue Sphere Academy, though, I used to play football, which was previously the national sport. That was until 2015, though. After suffering continuous defeat in 2015 culminating in a horrifyingly embarrassing 10-0 defeat against Saudi Arabia, football carried such terrible stigma that everyone switched to futsal, basketball, badminton and squash.

Please forgive me for this background info, but this is just to make you understand my position. You see, in co-ed schools, handballs, although available, is not played all that much. In boys school, it's not played at all, because it has the reputation of being a 'girly' sport.

Because this is a girl's school, they seem to play handballs every two weeks here, so everyone's an expert, except me. And these experts play a very hardcore game. It is a level of violence I have never seen before. Thus how, during my moment of confusion, the ball flies straight to my face and I am too slow to protect myself.

But Zara is faster. She pushes me away from the path of the ball, potentially saving me from a head injury and possibility of amnesia. I fall to the ground, wincing as my elbow grazes against the pebble on the ground. Sitting up, I look at my bleeding elbow and gently brush away the sand sticking to the area around the wound.

“Oh no, you’re bleeding!” Zara kneels next to me. Inspecting the wound, she declares, “Oh no, this is serious! We need to go to the infirmary immediately!”

“No, it’s just a scratch, there’s no need to-” I try to refuse before she cut me off.

“No, this is serious. What if it becomes infected? How can I live with myself if your beautiful skin becomes scarred?” Zara says as she drags me to the infirmary by my uninjured hand.

“Really, I’m fine, Zara. It’s just a scratch.” I tell Zara while she opens the cabinets containing medicines and bandages.

I can’t help but be amazed by how everything is unlocked and in the open. Back in my old school, they kept everything, even the panadols in locked cabinets to prevent theft. In my old school, even the infirmary was locked when the health teacher wasn’t around. In this school, it appears all the students can come and go as they wish.

“Hold still,” Zara says as she washes my wound and then applies an antiseptic ointment. Then she places medicated cotton on the wound and wraps a bandage around my elbow.

Seeing her loving and gentle actions of tending to my wound, it is easy to forget that it’s just A SCRATCH. She makes it seem like I’m on the verge of death. Or is this how girls are like? I’m gonna have to ask a certain neighbour later.

“There, all good. Now you just rest here until the end of physical education like a good girl.” She smiles while tucking me in.

Then she gets under the cover as well.

“Umm, what are you doing?” I ask while she snuggles closer against my bandaged right elbow.

“I’m taking care of you.”

“Do you have to be in the bed too?”

“I don’t want you to feel cold.”

“It’s summer.”

“The nurse likes to turn the air conditioner to very low temperature.”

“It’s not even on!”

Zara becomes quiet at my rebuke.

“Am I... disturbing you, Rin?” Zara looks at me with upturned eyes. Her eyes look moist, as if she’s on the verge of crying. She looks so small, so weak and so vulnerable that my protective instinct surges out like a waterfall.

“... No, you’re not,” I wrap my uninjured left hand around her waist, enjoying the softness of her body while pushing up her face with my other hand by her chin, which isn’t really that injured in the first place. “It’s just that I’m not sure what you’re trying to do. It’s making me confused, Zara.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s just this is the first time I feel like this and I’m not sure myself. But I think... I think... I’m in love with you.” Zara tries to hide her reddening face in her palms.

I feel my own face getting hot hearing her confession. My confusion level increases by a factor of ten now. On one hand, I’m dancing in the garden of blooming flowers because I finally get my first ever love confession, and the girl’s plenty cute too. I feel like shouting to the world, “I have a girlfriend!” On the other hand, I feel down because she falls in love with a fake persona, someone who isn’t real and will disappear within two years. How can I be so selfish to allow this to happen?

“I’m sorry, Zara, but I can’t accept your heart.” There, I’ve said it. Mom, your son is alone again. Sobs.

“Why not? Do you hate me?”

“No! You know it’s not that.”

“Then, do you have a boy you like?”

No way! I’m not gay! “The mere thought disgusts me,” I mutter under my breath.

“Oh, then do you only like girls?”

Ah shucks, now she thinks I’m a lesbian.

“No, it’s just that there are a lot of things going on in my life right now. I can’t really think about hooking up for now.”

“I promise, I won’t get in your way. I can even come to your home to cook dinner for you if you like. I won’t cause you any trouble. I just want to be close to you,” Zara looks at me with wet eyes as she places her right hand on my fake left breast gently while muttering something inaudible.

I pull her right hand away for fear of her finding out it’s fake.

“I guess maybe it doesn’t hurt to try, but are you sure you want to be with me? I mean, I’m a girl.” Well, not quite.

“Is that a ‘yes’?”


Suddenly Zara jumps on me and plants a chaste kiss on my lips. Her face turns all red after the deed and she acts all shy, either because it was her first kiss or because she kissed a girl. Don’t misunderstand, it’s cute, it’s adorable. The only think I ask is for her to get her knee off my injured elbow right now!


“Open wide, Rin. Ahhh...”

“Ahhh...” I open my mouth wide as Zara feeds me a rice ball the size of my thumb. As I chew the small ball of rice, my thoughts wonder as to how anyone can get full from something like this. Then Zara asks for me to feed her too, and I do it obediently.

“Rin, let’s go to the canteen!” Shahira pulls me by my left arm.

“Rin’s going to have lunch with me!” Loretta hugs my neck while mashing her smallish breasts against the back of my head.

“Hey, Rin’s mine!” Zara complains as she tries to remove their hands from my body.

“Quiet!” Aerfean stands up from her seat and elegantly walks towards us before continuing with, "Is it so hard to eat your lunch in peace?"

One step, two step, every step emphasizes her delicious figure. Every click and clack of her school shoes echoes in the class, creating a seductive and alluring atmosphere. Her long legs under the skirt and knee-high white stockings draws my eyes to it, making me unable to tear my eyes away. In the haze of my mind, I feel like I want to be stepped on by those legs while calling her 'big sister'.

Aerfean drops a thick Chemistry textbook on my desk loudly. Glaring at me, she says, “Pick it up, roll it up and use it to smack their heads. You need to learn to stand up for yourself.”

“Eh? Isn’t that kind of violent?” I reply without picking up the texbook.

She glares lasers at me. As I look into her cold eyes, I feel like something is awakening inside me. Calm down, calm down. I slap my cheeks to wake me up from my delusions.

In the meantime, all three of them takes a little distance from Aerfean.

“Are you saying you won’t do what I told you to do?”

“But, hitting girls is-”

“Rin, just do as Aerfean said! We-we were wrong. P-please hit me!” Zara says, offering herself as a sacrifice.

I look at Zara’s defeated face, resigned to the fate of being whacked by her own boyfriend. No, she sees me as her girlfriend. Sigh, this is messed up. Not wanting to cause any trouble, I roll up the chemistry textbook on the table and following Aerfean's recommendation, hold it up to whack the heads of the three stooges.

Ah wait. Since I'm a guy it won't be good if I use my whole male strength, right? So I'll have to weaken the strength a little. With that thought, I whack Zara's head with the rolled up textboook.

“Pon”, the rolled up texbook hit her head.

Umm, maybe I should've hit harder? But she's a girl. It's not a gentlemanly thing to do, right? Well, at least it works. They're suddenly quiet now and looking at me with blank faces instead of those usual loud noises.

"Kyaaaa! You're making my heart go kyun kyun kyun!" Zara screams loudly with a red face while excitedly swinging her chopstick-wielding right hand.

"What was that? What was that? You're so cute, Rin!" Shahira hugs my face against her B cup boobs.

"Oh sweet Mary! Rin, you're going to give me diabetes!" Loretta cries while hugging my neck tightly from behind as her smaller pair of boobs rub against my back.

Just great. Instead of creating a firm and strict persona, I'm showing myself as a sweetly cute girl instead. Teacher Aerfean, please tell me what I did wrong!


“Please excuse my intrusion,” Zara with her hair in long twintails that resemble my own signature style says to the empty house as she passes through the front door of my apartment. Her short plaid skirt swishes against her knee-length stockings with every move. Her form-fitting pink blouse creates a tight silhouette that gives her underdeveloped body an allure that invokes a protective instinct within me.

Protective or not though, I find myself unable to look away. In comparison, I’m only wearing a loose t-shirt and shorts. Should I have worn something more stylish for my girlfriend’s first house visit? Hehe, girlfriend. I like how that sounds. Mom, your son finally has a girlfriend. Too bad she’s gay, but hey, a girlfriend’s a girlfriend. After secretly dating for two weeks, she finally asks if she can come to my home.

“Sorry, I’m the only one at home. Will it be a problem for you?” I say while taking the plastic bags containing groceries from her hand and putting it in the kitchen.

“I already know – I mean, I don’t mind at all. No, not at all. After all, we get to be alone, just me and you,” Zara says as she shyly runs her forefinger downward along my chest.

“Umm, did... your parents say anything?” I ask while feeling the tingle of having her fingers running down my ribcage.

“They only tell me to have fun and to come home before ten.”

“I bet you didn’t tell them you’re going to your boy – I mean, girlfriend’s home, did you?”

“They don’t need to know everything. Does that make me a bad girl?” she asks in a cute, almost innocent voice.

It almost breaks all the barrier in my mind. “Umm, well. It’s fine, I guess. I imagine they won’t understand our relationship.”

“I’m glad you agree, Rin. Shall I start cooking now?” She grabs an apron and goes into the kitchen.

“Ah, I’ll help you.”

The dinner is absolutely great. Sorry mom, but I think she’s a much better cook than you. She knows exactly what dishes I like and how I like it cooked. She even knows how I like my dessert, vanilla ice cream with chocolate topping and strawberries. It’s like she knows everything that I like, even things that I have no idea I like. She’s like the perfect girlfriend. I really want her as my girlfriend for real.

After dinner, we cuddle together on the couch while watching a movie on Astro. It’s a romance movie, but heck do I know the title. After about 30 minutes of watching the movie, it’s the movie’s to watch us. By now we’re busy necking and kissing each other. I have to keep her hands away from my crotch which gets harder and harder to hide with every kiss.


Today is Saturday of the third week of us secretly dating each other. Zara is almost a daily fixture in my apartment nowadays. It’s a good thing that mom is not around and a certain neighbour is away on a vacation in Semporna. I’ll never be able to hide this if they’re around.

Today, Zara volunteers to do housekeeping which I’m truly grateful for. Being a single child, I’m no stranger to household chores. However, house cleaning is one thing that is a complete mystery to me. Mom used to scold me for doing it half-heartedly, but seriously mom, it’s not that I didn’t want to do it. Okay, I don’t want to do it, but the real reason is that I just don’t get how it’s done.

I love watching Zara dust the cupboards, electrical appliances and sweep or mop the floor. Even her vacuuming the carpet is a delight to watch. Every time she catches me watching, she’ll blush and look away. So cute!

Although I say she mop the floor, she doesn’t actually use the mop. She gets on her knees on the floor and wipe it clean with a cloth. She wipes the floor with a cloth on all fours. On all fours! With her butt pointing at me! How can my manly blood not boil from seeing such a sight? I am no eunuch, I have a very healthy male urges.

I hear tearing sounds from my room.

There shouldn’t be any tearing done in my room. Zara is only there to change the bedsheet – oh my god!

I jump over the couch, my knee knocks against a table, but I don’t care about the pain. Running into my room, I encounter the sight that will be in my nightmares forever. For in my room, sitting on the floor is Zara. She is sitting on the floor with a stack of magazines on her left and a trashcan in her right. She is tearing my porn magazines with a smile. She is tearing them one by one, WITH A SMILE!

“Stop!!!” I jump forward and fall face down onto the small pile of leftover porn magazines.

“Hm? What’s wrong, love?” Zara asks innocently while pulling another porn magazine from under my body.

“Stop tearing my porn!” I yelled with tears in my eyes.

“Oh, you won’t need them anymore. You have me now.”

Wha-what are you saying?

“I’m the only fapping material you'll ever need. If you want me to do anything, just say it and I’ll do my best, okay? Now please get up from that pile of filth or I’ll get angry, my love,” Zara tells me this while smiling, but this time, her smiling face feels like the face of a demon instead of an angel.

“Please, I need them!” I plead to my merciless girlfriend as she continues to pull magazines from under my body.

“Don’t you worry, my love. I’ve already put lots of my own pictures in your computer. Anytime you need relief and I’m not here, you can look at those, okay? Oh by the way, I’ve deleted all the trash and filth from your computer.”

No!!!! I jump up from the stack of magazines and open my porn folders one by one. There was nothing left. Not even my browser bookmarks remain. My five-year porn collection, they’re all goooooone!

I fall to my knees in front of my computer desk. Tears flow down my face as the horror sinks in. I no longer have my porn collection. My babies, my beloveds. Goodbye, Akari Hoshino. Goodbye, Amami Tsubasa. Goodbye, Azumi Mizushima. Goodbye, Kaede Matsushima. I will never forget all of you. The time we spent together, I will treasure it for my whole life.

“What are you doing sitting there in a daze, Rin? I’ve already prepared a bath. Why don’t you go ahead and wash yourself before dinner?” Zara smiles while taking out the plastic bags containing the shreds of my porn magazines.

I must have been out for a long time. When I finally recover, Zara has already finished ripping my babies to small, useless pieces. I should be crying, recalling the horror, but my tears have gone dry. All that’s left now is regret and picking up the pieces of my life.

I walk into the bathroom, take off my clothes and enter the bathtub with my mind far away, looking at my past that is now just a memory. Not even the perfumed water of the bathtub is able to bring me back to this reality. Thus when I’m done with bathing, I stand up to get out of the bathtub and right at this moment, Zara comes in with a worried face.

Then she looks down, at my crotch.

My crotch, without the protection of panties.

“Why do you have a boy’s penis?” she asks with a confused face.

I immediately cover my crotch with my towel. “Wait, I can explain.”

“Are you a boy, but with breasts?”

“No, it’s complicated. It’s not what you think.”

“Well, this makes things easier.”

“I’m not trying to deceive – huh?”

“It’s functional, correct?”


“Since you’re a boy, this works for the better.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Hm? It means we can legally get married, even with you looking like a girl. Ahh, I can’t believe I get to enjoy the best of both worlds. Of course, we’ll need to meet my parents and I’d like to meet yours so that I can ask their approval in marrying their daughter.”

“Wait, meet your parents? Meet my parents? This is too fast!”

“Oh, you’re right, we can meet my parents tomorrow. How about we just make babies tonight?”

No, no, no. I’m too young to get pregnant!

Hold on, I think there’s something wrong with this thought process.

"Wait! But I'm a boy!"


"Aren't you taking this a little too calmly? Shouldn't you be angry that I lied to you or something?"

"Haa? What are you saying, Rin? Look, it doesn't matter if Rin is a girl or a boy. Rin is Rin and Rin is mine. Both the girl Rin and the boy Rin are mine, and I'm Rin's. It's simple, isn't it?

"Well, if you put it that way..."

“So Rin, how many children do you want? I think two boys and two girls would be perfect, won’t you agree? Or do you prefer more boys? I’d like to have at least a girl in the house.”

This is getting out of hand! Somebody please...



  1. Replies
    1. It's taken over by another translation group. Last I checked, they've translated it up to chapter 3

  2. I did commented in BC. Love this. Just drop by here to say hai.


You may say whatever you want, even if you don't like the story. All I ask is that you be polite about it. For example, "You suck, you should rot in hell" and "Balduadapdahdaydai" are totally not acceptable. If your comment is "Your grammar is horrible, please find a grammar checker", then it's fine.