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Saturday, 8 October 2016

Teleport Specialist

Teleport Specialist

Good day, my name is Alice. Yes, just Alice. No, I’m not telling you my family name. I mean, why bother? I have like dozens of them. Besides, I’m currently busy running for my life!

You’re asking why I’m running for my life? Well, we have to go back two hours earlier.

“Wuahaha! More baby, give me more!” I laughed while scooping my winning at the roulette table.

It was incredibly hard, you know. Roulette is probably one of the hardest games to cheat legally. While cheating in Blackjack is just a matter of counting cards, cheating in Roulette is a more involved affair. You need to have a sharp eye, able to discern tiny variations in fast-moving objects. You also need a sharp mind, to be able to calculate the probability of the ball falling on the numbered areas. And last, you need a sharp tongue to distract the dealer from discovering that you indeed have seen the three possible winning numbers.

It is much easier to use magnetic ball. If I am caught with that method though, it’s straight to jail for me. I don’t want to be sent to jail, especially not a jail in China. Have you heard all the terrible rumours about China’s women prison? Urrghh!

Of course, this isn’t something just anyone can do. It took me ten years of following my father around to seedy casinos all over the world before I realized that I had a gift that not even my father had. My father was good at cheating in gambling and scamming people. Using various tricks, he was able to put food on the table. Due to that, I didn’t receive my childhood education in school of bricks and mortar. I received it in the real world, all over the world, while father scammed the casinos that allowed him to bring me along. Thanks to father’s brand of education, I surpassed him as a gambler two years ago. Where he used tricks, I used skill. Where he hid cards up his sleeves, I calculated the possibility of the next cards dealt. His methods put him in jail, my methods always let me walk away with my winnings.

That was why, when some guy in black coat approached me and whispered into my ears in Mandarin, I froze. Normally, players would need to win big two or three times before the casino pull them aside. I’ve only won once, after a streak of losing pocket change to determine the roulette’s rate of spin and wheel bias.

“Sorry, I don’t speak Chinese,” I said, playing the dumb white tourist stereotype.

“Miss Alice Cartwright, my boss requests your presence in his private suite,” the Chinese man in black suit spoke my fake surname as he gestured me to follow him while two other men in black suit scooped up my earnings into a tray.

Let me make this clear. I have so many surnames, even I forgot what my original surname was. Heck, I doubt we even have an original surname. Father and I changed our surnames in every country we went to, we even have thirty different passports from ten different countries. I’m surprised the boss of this place knows the name I use in Shinjuku.

Hold on a minute! Shinjuku? The last time I was there in my Alice Cartwright persona, I was chased by the yakuza! Could it be.... shit, I need to get away!

I looked around me for an opportunity. If I wanted to run away, I had to run before we reach the elevator, otherwise, it would be too late. As we passed by the hotel’s luxurious washroom, my exquisite brain gave me an idea.

“Umm, excuse me. I need to go to the ladies room.”

“You can do that after we meet the boss.”

“But I really need to go... It’s hard for women, you know?”

After much argument, he finally relented. I went into the women’s washroom, closed the door and let out a long breath. That was close. If I had followed them straight into the elevator, it’d be the end of me. With this, I had an opportunity to escape.

Well, I said an opportunity, but the window wasn’t the type you could open. It was simply a glass screen on the wall. The air ducts were too high to climb and even if I could climb up using the wall of the stalls, there was no guarantee it would be able to handle my weight. While I was pondering what to do, a pretty Chinese woman came out of the last stall. My delightful brain again presented me an idea.

“Wow, that’s a nice dress you have on,” I complimented her qipao, a Chinese traditional dress, while walking closer.

“Thank you,” she said with a beautiful smile.

I punched her in the belly.

It caused her to bend over in pain. She looked up at me in confusion while complaining, “Nǐ zài gān shén ma?!”

Strange, she should’ve fainted. When she tried to scream for help, I karate chopped her on the back of her neck. It only made her drop to the floor, but she was still very much conscious. Damned movies, it didn’t work at all! In the end, I just took off her panties and pushed it into her mouth. Then I pulled her into the toilet stall, stripped her naked, loosely tied up her naked body and changed into her clothes.

I whispered to her, telling her to remain quiet for an hour or I’d come back with a gun next time. I made it perfectly clear in Mandarin that the only reason I hadn’t killed her was because I didn’t want to ruin my dress. Well, it was actually her dress, but I was wearing it when I said that, so it became my dress. I also switched my handbag with hers.

Before I opened the toilet stall, I turned back around. Looking at her wearing the dress I previously wore, something clicked in my mind. What if she pushed the panties in her mouth with her tongue and screamed for help after I left the stall? If she did that, it would be too late for me to escape.

With that in mind, I reached into my handbag. As I had only just switched the contents of our handbags, I knew exactly where there stuff I was looking for was. So I took it out and tazered her as she sat tied up on the toilet seat. The electric shock finally made her pass out.

Secure in the knowledge that she wouldn't be able to cause me any trouble, I went out of the stall, pulling the door close behind me. I changed my makeup in front of the mirror, making me appear different from what the men outside would be expecting. For this purpose, I applied an Asian style makeup, which puts more emphasis on pink blush, eyeliners, curled eyelashes and gradient lips. For hair, I put on a black wig I usually brought with me for times when I needed a disguise. My natural blonde hair was a dead giveaway, regardless of how much makeup I wore.

Satisfied with my transformation, I opened the door of the washroom. The three men were still outside, with the lead man apparently talking on the phone with someone. I took care not to make eye contact with any of them and acted normal while heading to the elevator. I knew the men were eyeing my figure in the tight qipao, but it wouldn’t matter. My disguise was perfect. When I pressed up, they lost interest in me and returned to watching the washroom door.

The moment the elevator opened to the first floor, I went out and took the staircase next to the elevator. Going three floors down, I reached the car park where my rented Infiniti was waiting. I breathed a sigh of relief once the car finally entered Shanghai’s highway and on the way to another hotel where I stayed in.

I was about to leave the car when suddenly a big hand covered my mouth and pressed a knife at my neck from the back seat.

“Akiyama-san sends his regards, Arisu-chan,” the man whispered before he slit my throat.

And that’s how I ended up here. Where here is, I have absolutely no idea. With all the mist, the bright white sky and the nothingness around except more mist, my first thought was Heaven. But that can’t be right. I’ve done so many bad things in my life I should have a reservation in Hell.

“Welcome!” A sword, no, a Japanese katana suddenly fell from the sky and buried itself into the mist a foot away in front of me. The sword shined brightly, with an explosive mass that caused me to fall backward on my butt and making me close my eyes in reflex. When the light dimmed, a teenage girl no older than 16, stood where the sword was while looking down at me. On her waist were three Japanese swords of varying length while on her back, a large claymore was attached by a leather harness.

“What the hell?” I managed to cry out.

“Oh no, you misunderstood. You’re not in Hell, Alice... umm... why do you have so many family names? Anyway,my name is Lady of the Sword. You can just call me whatever sharp things you like. My senior calls me Kata-chan. I am the patron of all who died from sharp objects.”

“What am I doing here?”

“Why, you’re dead of course! All dead people come here.”

“So you’re like an angel of death?”

“No no, nothing like that. I’m just a supervisor of souls. As I said, I am the patron of all who died from sharp objects. Everyone who die from axes, nails, spears, swords and in your case, knife, comes to me. I will then decide where they go next. I’m so excited, you’re the first soul I meet since I become Lady of the Sword. Please treat me well!” The sword-crazed nut said with a smile and small bounces, like a schoolgirl cheerleader on a sugar rush.

“What happened to the previous one?”

“Oh, she ranked up. Chose to reincarnate as an elf mystic.”

“I see,” I said while gettting up. Dusting off my white dress –

Wait a minute, did somebody change my clothes?

“So based on your past actions – hey, where are you goin?”

“Sorry babe, have to go!” I said before running away at full speed. Obviously this girl was a mental case. Who knew what she would do if given half the chance.

“Waiiiiittt!!! I still haven’t given you your options!” the fake angel of death kept close at my heels. Amazing how she was able to catch up when I left her several minutes behind.

“I said waitttt!!!” she yelled as she threw a shuriken at me.

When I avoided it with my superior reflex, she threw a kunai. I avoided that too, so she threw a knife, which I also avoided. Frustrated, she yelled, “Sword Rain!!!” and out of the mist, hundreds of swords flew out at me. I’d love to say that I was so damn awesome I avoided all of them, but the reality was...

“Umm, excuse me. Why am I not dead despite being stabbed with... umm... sixteen swords?” I asked once she caught her breath.

“Because you’re dead! You can’t die twice!”

“I see. I’m compelled to believe you now. Do you mind taking these out?” I said while pointing at the swords that made my body their pincushion.

“Of course! One moment, please,” she said before pulling out the one piercing my belly button.

“Kyaaaaah!!!” I screamed in pain.

“Alright, I’ll pull out the next one,” she said while holding the handle of the sword that pierced my shoulder.

“Wait! Don’t you have any method that is not painful?”

“Of course not! All methods will give you so much pain you will beg to die again.”

“On second thought, please just leave the swords where they are. Thank you very much.”

Kata-chan shrugged. “Anyway, based on your deeds in life, you may choose the option of reincarnating as a pig or hero summoning.”

Huh? Hero summoning? Is this one of those manga things? Magic Knights Rayearth suddenly comes to mind. I learned reading and writing Japanese with mangas. Back when I was still a kid, I’ve always wanted to be transported to a fantasy world and become a hero with powerful magic who save the world. That was then, I outgrew that.

“You mean, I’m not going to Hell?”

“No reason to. Your good deeds spoke out for you.”

“Good deeds? Are you sure you’re not mistaking me for someone else?”

“Very sure. As Alice White, you saved a boy from drowning. As Alice Whittaker, you foiled a bank robbery that could’ve caused the death of twenty-nine people. As Alicia Montgomery, you made a donation to an orphanage that allowed them to stay afloat for at least ten more years.”

“I don’t remember the first one. The second one I foiled out of spite. The third one was my attempt at money laundering.”

“Yet when it came time to take back your money from the orphanage, you did not do so.”

“My car broke down. I lost the mood.”

“Anyway, make your choice.”

“Isn’t it obvious what I would choose?”

“Okay, you’ll be reincarnated as a pig.”

“Wait! Why would that be the obvious choice?”

“Oh, that’s not your choice? It’s just that I heard many summoned heroes are being screwed over and betrayed by their summoners lately. I heard most would say no to hero summoning.”

Huh? Betrayed? There is such a thing? Shit, I need magic. No, maybe my summoner will have stronger magic than me. A cheat! Yes, they call it cheat nowadays, right?

“Then please don’t forget to give me a cheat.”

Kata-chan tilted her head to the left. “A cheat? What’s that?”

If they don’t actually give out cheats here, I’d be screwed. Let’s make full use of my Streetwise and Speak Common stats. Let’s throw in the super Persuasion skill I’ve been training for the past ten years as well.

“Don’t you know about cheats? All the heroes get them, you know? Don’t tell me your seniors didn’t tell you anything.”

“Umm... that... seniors Truck-chan and Domina Ignis are very busy nowadays, so they only come teach me stuff every few days. So they haven’t told me this stuff. I don’t know how this is done.”

“Well basically, you grant some cheat-like magic or powers so that the heroes can defend themselves, you see.”

“I see. That sounds reasonable. Many of the worlds the heroes are summoned into are primitive by your standards. So what kind of power do they usually get?”

Thank goodness she’s an airhead.

“They can choose. Usually they get five special powers to protect themselves.”

“Five special powers! That’s too much, this is only my first day!”

“I see. You’re right, I forgot about it. Since this is your first day, I’m willing to give you a discount of 50%. So you only have to give me three special powers.”

“Umm, but... three is a little...”

“Alright, 65% discount, which is two special powers. That’s my last offer. Take it or leave it.”

“Umuuu, okay... I can probably give you two special powers. So what power do you want?”

“Teleport,” I said in less than a second, “You know, the ability to move myself from one spot to another without going through the space in between. Also make it so that I can teleport stuff from or to any place I can see.” Seriously, I'm tired of having to think for an escape route.

“That’s not too hard. I also have that special power. What’s the other one?”

“Clairvoyance. I want to be able to see faraway places. With it, I should also be able to see other worlds.”

“I can give you clairvoyance, but allowing you to see other worlds is a bit...”

“Please, I want to see those boys and girls at the orphanage. I probably won’t be able to do anything, but at least allow me to check up on them from time to time,” I said while letting out fake tears.

If I ever retire from gambling and scamming, I could probably find work in the entertainment industry.

Kata-chan broke into tears as well. She hugged me and said, “I understand. I understand. You’re a good person after all, Alice. Alright, I’ll let you watch them as much as you want but these two worlds will be the only worlds you can see, okay?”

“Thank you, thank you very much, Kata-chan.”

Yes, thank you very much for being an idiot.

“Praise Aruhan. Great hero, won’t you fulfill your duties and rid us of the threat of the demons?” the king implored while looking bored.

I was standing in the throne-room of the Silver Castle of Relasias before the king and a whole lot of soldiers on all sides. Relasias was apparently the kingdom that summoned me and was having a problem with demon invasions in the southern regions. Of course, these facts were only what I was briefed while they ushered me from the summoning room to the throne room.

“No,” I answered firmly. Why would I want to fight for people I don’t know? I’m not a saint.

The king sighed. “Another one, it seems.”

What ‘another one’?

“Kill her,” the king commanded as the guards lowered their pikes and came closer with their pikes pointing my way.

I activated Clairvoyance, pointed my perception to my hideout in Kota Kinabalu in my previous world and teleported in some stuff. As the palms of both my hands glowed blue, I brought the orbs to my lips. Once the glow disappeared, replaced with a solid object in both hands, I pulled the pins with my teeth and threw it into the dense concentration of soldiers approaching me. As soon as the grenades left my hands, I teleported two more grenades, pulled the pins and threw those as well.

Five seconds later, explosions rocked the throne hall of the palace. The soldiers fell one after another. Despite being protected by leather armour, it could not block the deadly projectiles launched when the fragmentation grenade went off.

“Wh-what are you all standing around for? Kill her! Kill her now!” the king commanded as he stood up for the first time.

Seeing as I was only about eight steps away from the king, I sprinted forward and teleported a rocket launcher into my hand. When I reached the king, I pressed the rocket part against the king’s cheek.

“Your majesty, I’ll be leaving now. Please don’t follow me. If I see anyone following me, I’ll come back and...” I put the rocket’s nose into his wide open mouth, “I’ll launch this at your face, okay?”

He nodded, his face was wet with tears. There was also this distinct rancid smell. I had a feeling he had either pissed himself, shit himself or both.

“Very good,” I said, taking the rocket out of his mouth, primed it and launched it at palace wall.

Boom! The wall exploded outward as the rocket exploded against the thick construction. I walked toward the wide open wall, identified an inn and teleported away.

That was how my first day in another world went. How was yours?


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. This is interesting, will you continue this? Also I sympathizes with you about the hates, just please be strong for us and yourself! That said, can't wait to finally read your damn good stories again.


You may say whatever you want, even if you don't like the story. All I ask is that you be polite about it. For example, "You suck, you should rot in hell" and "Balduadapdahdaydai" are totally not acceptable. If your comment is "Your grammar is horrible, please find a grammar checker", then it's fine.