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Thursday, 3 December 2015

The Rock 0

Becoming A Rock

Hello, how are you doing?

Fine? Good, very good.

Let me introduce myself.

I am a rock.

Yes, I am a rock.

No, that's not a name. No, I'm not a certain wrestler who became a movie star. I really am a rock.

But rocks can't speak, you say? Well, there's a story behind that. You see, I was once a human, just like you, except that I died and came face to face with a goddess who called herself Truck-chan. It was a pretty one sided conversation.

"Sorry to say, old man, but you've died," the little girl with blue hair wearing soft blue blouse and black shorts announced.


"Drunk driving. You drove your car into a ravine. Thankfully you didn't involve anyone else, otherwise, my job would be doubled."

"I only drank a little..."

"You call a flask of whiskey 'a little'? You're lucky I didn't send you straight to Charon-san. I hate drunkards the most."


"You have two choices. Reincarnation or Wandering Ghost. Choose."

"Can't I go to Heaven?"

"Haa? A drunk driver wants to go to Heaven? Why don't you look at yourself in the mirror a little more, you worthless rascal!"

"If I choose reincarnation, will I get a cheat?" I asked, referring to those special powers that only reincarnated people receive in the Japanese light novels my little brother enjoyed reading these days.

"A cheat? Are you still dead drunk?"

"Sorry, it was just a joke," I said, though I was really being serious with that question.

"Reincarnation, then? Any last request?"

"Can you flash me your panties?"

Her facial expression changed immediately. Before I could say, "It's a joke", she instantly appeared inches from my face, then dropped to her knees in front of me, in a pose of someone doing a naughty thing. Then she grabbed both my ankles and pulled it up above her head, causing my upper body to fall onto the misty floor.

She stomped on my family jewels, over and over, again and again, as she yelled, "You filthy drunk pervert! Go become a rock somewhere!"

That was the last thing I remember. The next thing I knew, I was a rock. Not any valuable rock, just a small rock barely the size of a basketball half-buried in the middle of a barren land.

It's already been a month. Nobody comes here apart from the occasional animals and birds. It's been a boring life.

Shit, if I can die again, I swear I'm going to strip that Truck-chan naked.

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  1. If this is an original English story then why are there Japanese suffixes? Anyway it has potential but I'd have to see what you do in the future. I imagine you're going to do something similar to the dungeon master stories.

    1. It's because Truck-chan is a Japanese trope. You can consider it something like a homage. Yes, it's similar to dungeon master stories, except The Rock won't be making a dungeon.

  2. Japanese suffixes are awesome!!! I cant wait to see what comes next.


You may say whatever you want, even if you don't like the story. All I ask is that you be polite about it. For example, "You suck, you should rot in hell" and "Balduadapdahdaydai" are totally not acceptable. If your comment is "Your grammar is horrible, please find a grammar checker", then it's fine.