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Monday, 30 November 2015

Felicia's Second Life Chapter 7 Part 1

Barmaid Felicia & The Glutton Part 1

Gooood Morning! Welcome to The Delicious Roast! I am your hostess, the beautiful barmaid Felicia. Would you like a breakfast, a bath, or.... me? 


Just kidding!

Because of the incident a few days ago, Lili and I had to work here to pay our debts. In case you don't remember, I was robbed on my way to dinner and we ended up eating without paying for it. So now we're something like bonded slaves for a week, since we're not actually paid to work here. All we get are two meals, three mugs of cider and a bed to sleep in every day. We can drink fresh water as much as we want, though.

Not that I'm complaining. It may look humiliating, but this has been a very valuable experience. Do you still remember that I said some time ago how I planned on opening my own fast food restaurant, the one that will go by the name of Felicious? The experience I earn here will be of much help in setting it up. Besides, I'm swimming in silver!

That's right, silver! It may not be gold, but 15 silver still equals 1 gold. You ask why I'm swimming in silver when I'm not even being paid? Fufufu, the answer is... TIPS! Just by calling someone 'daddy' or 'big brother' someone would give me money. How awesome is that? Since I'm not paying anything for food and lodging, all of it is mine to keep. Muhahahahah!

The same is true for Lili. She's not raking in the cash like me, but her timid and shy personality invokes a protective instinct among our patrons. The moment she said 'big brother' or even 'thank you' with that shy demeanor, someone would slip a big copper into her hand. For some reason, everyone kind of think that she's an orphan. Every time someone proposed to take her into his or her family, she would say that she was in love with someone and that she’s only working here so that she can return home together with that person. I know you're talking about me, Lili, but you shouldn't use that sob story to make money. Jeez, girls are scary.
(EDN: Aren’t you a girl?-.-)

Ah, I forgot to mention that we're still in Lytis. I don't know how the ransom negotiation has been going, but I would have known if it's already concluded. After all, I am working at a tavern, and taverns are a great source of gossip. People will definitely talk if the negotiation has ended and if they see a lot of unarmed soldiers leaving the prince's castle. So far, there has been no such rumour.

I may have mentioned this earlier, but working at a tavern is apparently a very lucrative job. It had only been four days since I started working here, but already I had a total of 83 silver coins from tips alone. Fufufu, and I'm not even being paid to work here.

Come come, come visit me, barmaid Felicia at The Delicious Roast. Bring your purse, lots of silver and get ready to lose them quickly. My personal services are very expensive. So please, daddies, mommies and big brothers, spare some silver for this cute and absolutely adorable barmaid Felicia. Please oh please, make me rich. Muhahahahaha!


******

It was a little after noon, we were just done serving a large number of patrons. Surprisingly, this small, dirty restaurant that used to have just a small number of loyal customers became something like a prime meal spot since a few days ago. Nara was baffled at how fast the food stocks disappeared but Nira always seemed to be grinning at Nara's confusion.

"Felicia, come here," my boss Nara called. In case you forgot, this is the big sister waitress.

"Yeess! Anything you want me to do, boss?"

"Don't get cheeky with me!" she did a light karate chop on my head, "I'm giving you some time off until dinner, hurry and get out of the restaurant."

"Eeeeh?!!!"

"Don't 'eh' me! You've been flirting left and right. I don't want the restaurant to have that kind of reputation, especially since you're just a temporary worker. Unless you plan on continuing to work here long after your trial period is up, I'm having you cool yourself off."

"But... where would I go?"

"Why are you asking me? Have a nap, go for a walk, bet on a horse, I don't care," then she took out 5 big coppers and handed it to me, "Here, take this as your spending money."

I accepted it gratefully and was about to put it into my barmaid's apron pocket when Nara said, "On second thought, give it back."

"Ah? What's this noise I hear?" (lol)

"No, give it back, Felicia. You're already making a lot of money."

"Oh, what is this? Why is the noise getting louder?"

"Felicia, don't ignore me. Give it back."

"Jeez I can't hear a single thing! (lol) See you later, Ms. Nara. Thanks for the money."

"FELICIA, COME BACK HERE!"

******

"Eeyaaaa, it's nice to have a break once in awhile. Too bad Lili can't be here," I said to myself as I spent some time watching a street theatre at Lunar Plaza. I caught the performance by surprise, really. I was just minding my own business when I saw a lot of people crowding. So naturally, I went to take a look as well and stayed for the rest of the performance.

It wasn't exactly a West End theatre production, but it was pretty good. Especially considering that it was a street performance. Apart from theatre, they also performed songs and musicals. Some of them sang off-key, but that was fine, since it was still pretty enjoyable. So I placed a single big copper into the donation box they set up in appreciation.

Can't give them a silver, they weren't that good.

But this reminded me of something that we've been missing in Mruna - entertainment. Sure, nobody dares to complain about the lack of entertainment and since we have the harvest festival every year, it can be said that the populace is content. However, for a society to grow, it needs an investment in culture. By culture, that means entertainment, art, literature and a social identity. All the great civilizations have them. Greek, Rome, Carthage, Egypt and India all shared the same idea of a culture that defined their civilization. Not only does culture keeps the populace content, it also gives them a common identity, which translates into a more loyal populace.

Even computer games promoted this. I can't believe I've been ignoring something so obvious. Alright, when I get back to Mruna, I'm gonna build a theatre. Everyone gets to watch the performances, so maybe it has to be big enough for 1000 people? No, let's make it small scale first, it will be bad if I can't afford the final result. It's not like everyone in Mruna will be watching anyway. Maybe they can take turns as well. Or maybe have sponsored performances where anyone can watch for free while allowing pay-to-watch performances.

"Hm, yep, that should work," I said to myself as I walked towards Lytis's south park.

Lost in thought, I didn't realize that my foot had stepped on something soft. I looked down and under my feet was a purple-haired little girl, lying face down on the park's walkway. She was very small and just by looking at her from the back, I could guess that she was much, much younger than me.

I poked her with my foot. No response.

I poked her with a stick. No response.

I kicked her lightly with my foot. Still no response.

Ah! It must be a doll or a cushion. I heard a small village north of Lytis made handcrafted human-sized hug pillow. This must be it.

I took hold of both its legs and dragged the doll towards one of the big rocks that functioned as park benches. Then I draped the doll's body over a rock and sat on its back. The doll was soft, it was pretty comfy. Despite the technological backwardness of this world, they can make pretty realistic looking human-shaped cushions. I should get one of these for my workbench.

"... vy..."

Ha? I seem to be hearing voices.

"...Heavy..."

There it is again! Oh dear ancestors, am I cursed?

"...Get off..."

I looked down at my seat and saw the doll looked at me with a dreadful expression. It became a real girl! So I jumped up and wondered what kind of sorcery this was. I had never heard of a magic that could turn a doll into a human in this world. I silently prayed to the ancestors to protect me from evil spirits.

Just then, I heard the sound of a grumbling stomach.

"Eat slowly, would you? You're making me embarrassed," I said as I watched the little girl stuff her cheeks with all the food that I ordered.

Apparently that wasn't a doll or a cushion, it was just a starving beggar.

"REFILL!" she called.

"Oi! Learn moderation!"

"But I'm hungry..."

"You've already eaten five people's share!"

"But I'm still hungry..." the little girl made a pitiful face.

"For your information, I'm running out of money here. I don't want to work for a week here as well."

Let me clarify. After realizing that the doll was in fact a human being and not a cursed doll, I found out that she had collapsed due to hunger. Since there was not a single food stall at the park because of something related to city regulations, I dragged her to the closest restaurant. Of course, I didn't have the strength to carry her. I also didn't want to waste money hiring someone to carry her. So I just dragged her to the restaurant by her feet with her face collecting dust behind me.

If I had known that she would've completely emptied my pocket, I wouldn't have bothered.

"Why didn't you go to Knave's Path if you were so hungry? There's a food kitchen there."

"I went there before but they kicked me out after the first time."

"Kicked you out? Why..." I was about to ask why they had kicked her out of a soup kitchen, but looking at the pile of plates and bowls on the table, I already had a pretty good idea why.

"Fine, just one more refill. After that, we'll go our separate ways," I said after ordering a refill for her chicken soup.

"You're not eating?" she asked cutely, or as cute as she could be with her lower face covered in soup, gravy and apple juice.

"No thanks. I've already lost my appetite."

"Oh? That's too bad," the little girl said as she stuffed her face with more food.

"How are you able to eat all that stuff with your small body?"

She answered between munches. "Umm, this... because it's hard to get food... so I eat a lot... and then I can sleep for the whole week."

"Are you a bear?!"

******

I was walking back towards The Delicious Roast after spending all my money on that gluttonous beggar when I turned around and said, "So why are you still following me?"

"Umm, I want to repay the favour."

"If you're looking for more food, find someone else. I'm broke."

"No, no, not looking for more food. But if you want to give me..."

"Go away."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'll do anything!"

"I said go away!" I started running.

"Pleeeease!"

"Ahh!!! Annoying!" I cried as I ran as fast as I could through the crowd.

It took me more than half an hour of zigzagging across busy streets, crawling under tables and leaving through the back door of houses before I finally arrived at The Delicious Roast.

"Huff huff... finally lost... the pest." I said with ragged breath once I arrived at The Delicious Roast.

"Oh, welcome back, Felicia. You're back early. I thought big sis told you to take a break until dinner time?" Nira who was carrying several mugs in her hand said while delivering drinks.

"Huff huff... there was... a glutton."

"By the way, who's the cutie?"

"What cutie?"

"The one holding on to your skirt?"

I suddenly had a bad feeling. Slowly, I turned my head to the right and just slightly behind me, holding on to the hem of my barmaid skirt, was the little girl from earlier.

"Kyaaaaa!!!!!"

"You're so cruel. It was hard to run while holding your skirt, big sister. I almost lost my grip several times."

"It's a ghost!!!"

"How rude. I'm not a ghost. I'm a loli."

"How is that better?!!!"

"Aha? Could you be looking for work, little girl?"

"Work? Can I?"

"You sure can. Someone so cute and small like you is always welcomed. Uhehehehe," Nira said with drool dripping from her wide grin.

******

"Good work, everyone," Ms. Nara said as we closed shop.

Technically we didn't close anything, we simply propped the chairs up on the tables and snuffed the lanterns in the kitchen. Anyone could still enter since we shared the same entrance as the inn. I heard from Nira that the inn was originally owned by their family, but after their parents were cheated of their money, they lost everything. They were about to be kicked out to the streets when one of the patrons who had been in love with Nara proposed to her. The patron turned out to be the second son of a merchant family and used his savings to buy the restaurant and attic part of the inn so that both Nara and Nira wouldn't be sleeping on the streets. Eventually both Nara and Nira went to stay with him in his own home.

Tonight though, we didn't snuff the lanterns. After we were done closing the restaurant, Nira told me to call the little girl, Sul, for her waitressing lesson. Yes, it was decided that the gluttonous little girl was going to be working here as well. Nara refused, of course. But a liberal use of the words 'Please, big sister" and "I love you", Nira eventually managed to get her to agree. Ms. Nara was surprisingly weak in front of her little sister.

I entered the attic that I shared with Lili to see Sul sleeping peacefully on our bed. She looked so adorable with her light purple hair, her cute face, her slightly puckered lips and that slightly flipped skirt showing - what the hell was that?
(EDN: IT’S A TRAP!)

No, it wasn't a penis. Jeez!
(EDN: Dang… D’: )

I went closer to her sleeping form. Noticing something drawn in the inner side of her left thigh, I became a little curious. Was it a tattoo, a birthmark or a bruise? Was she abused or beaten before I met her? I flipped her skirt up and pulled her thighs apart, seeing a tattoo-like symbol drawn on the inside of her left thigh. Taking a lantern and holding it close, I saw that it was a tattoo of a cat-like animal in front of an eight-sided star. The whole tattoo was framed by a circle.

Curious, I examined it closer. Upon closer examination, with my face mere inches from the tattoo, I could see that the circle wasn't actually a circle. It was actually a continuous set of runic characters, which I couldn't identify. It probably wasn't Imperial.

It was at this point that Lili entered the room. I looked up from my examination to see her face of shock. I looked back to the tattoo that I was examining earlier and looked back at her shocked face.

I tried imagining this view from her eyes. Me spreading a little girl's legs, her skirt flipped, with my face between her thighs. This looks like...

A molester...

"My lady!" Lili wept as she ran away.

Wait, Lili. You got it all wrong! I'm not a molester! I'm not a molester!

That night, Lili slept as far away from me as possible. All attempts to talk with her were received with silence. Meanwhile, that pest Sul slept between us. I had wanted to persuade Lili with a bit of whispering and touching. This is all your fault, you damned gluttonous loli!

The next day came and Lili still wouldn't talk to me. I was very sad.

Is this punishment for looking up another girl's skirt? Ancestors, are you punishing me for a moment of weakness?

"Felicia, which card do you think I should take?" one of my patrons said as he shifted me on his lap.

"Jeez, big bro Meul, I said no touching, remember?" I said, referring to his right hand on my waist.

"I'm sorry, little Felicia. It's just gotten a little uncomfortable, that's all."

"Is it because I'm heavy? Should I get up, big bro?" I said as I tried to get up. I knew very well it wasn't because I was heavy because I could feel that hard thing under my butt. I knew exactly what that hard thing was. I used to have that hard thing too.

"No! Don't get up, it's nothing, don't worry about it. Yes, how about you pick the card for me, Felicia?"

"Is it okay, big bro? I don't know how to play."

"It's fine. It's just a light game. Don't worry."

"Okay, if you insist, big bro."

Let me explain, we are currently playing a card game called Rebellion. It is a combination of the card games Invasion, Assassination and Coup. The gameplay is quite simple. You have your own deck of 20 cards, which you mix together with your opponents' decks and then split into the amount of people playing. So if there are two players, it will be split into two stacks, if four, four stacks. The split stacks will then be placed face down in front of each player. To start playing, the players will take turns taking two cards from the stack in front of them in a clockwise order.

After that, the players will take another card, either from the stack in front of him, to his right or to his left or from the hand of the player before him. In the case of two players, the card may be taken either from his own stack or his opponent's stack but never from his opponent's hand. From sixth round afterwards, the players will either have to increase bets or maintain bets or fold if they want to bail out. There is also another type of Rebellion called Absolute Rebellion, where there is also the option to split a hand.

The objective of the game is to acquire a Campaign card as well as one of the conditions for victory, which is Invasion, Assassination, Coup or Rebellion. Invasion is defeated by Assassination. Assassination is defeated by Coup. Coup is defeated by Invasion. Rebellion is a special one where it beats everything and everyone still in play, but the player holding it must be the one to use the Campaign card. If any other player uses a Campaign card and any victory hand against the owner of Rebellion first, the Rebellion owner loses by default.

Each deck is formed following the rules of 2 kings, 2 queens, 2 generals, 3 soldiers, 3 archers, 3 cavalries, 4 cards of choice (4 cards of any suits except campaign) and 1 campaign card.

Invasion Win consists of 1 king, 1 general, 2 soldiers, 1 archer and 1 cavalry.
Assassination Win consists of 1 queen, 1 general, 2 soldiers and 2 archers.
Coup Win consists of 1 general, 2 soldiers, 2 archers and 1 cavalry.
Rebellion Win consists of 4 soldiers and 2 archers.

"Umm, I want to take a card from big brother Cuzo's hand," I said pointing my finger at the man on my right.

"It's big brother Cuto, dear," he said while holding out his hand.

"Well, anyway, I'm taking this one!"

I picked out a card, which turned out to be a Campaign card.

"Wahahaha! I call Invasion on Yami!" big brother Meul laughed as he put down 1 King, 1 General, 2 Soldiers, 1 Archer and 1 Cavalry alongside the Campaign card. He put aside 1 Queen as it was not necessary.

"Shit!" Yami cursed as he put down 1 General, 2 Soldiers, 1 King and 3 Archers. It was possible he was planning on an Assassination win, but couldn't get the Queen card. Had he gotten a Queen card, the table would've turned and big brother Meul would be the one to lose.

Big brother Meul kissed me on the cheek with his arm around me while saying, "Thanks for the win, baby!" before he scooped up the small pile of silver from Yami's betting pile towards his side of the table.

I openly picked up three silver coins from the pile.

"Eh, why are you taking the silver coins?" big brother Meul asked.

"Shouldn't I get something for that sneak kiss and hug, big bro Meul?" I said with a wink before I got off his lap and resumed my barmaid duties.

Meul then laughed boisterously behind me and resumed the game. Yami excused himself with a polite curse, stating that he had already wagered his entire lunch. Meul instead laughed again and paid for a cheap lunch for Yami.

Meanwhile, that little pest Sul sat on the bar's counter with her thin bare legs dangling and a harp in her hands. It was a harp that Nira found among the storage heap, courtesy of a guest who couldn't pay for his meals some weeks ago. Sul was apparently skilled in the use of a harp and for a small 'donation', would even sing for the patrons. Her voice was surprisingly good and pleasant. Her choice of lyrics and melody was not only cheerful but also uplifting. This little pest might actually be someone talented.

Sul also wasn't paid to work here, as Nara offered her the same deal that she offered Lili and me. Most of the time, she would be taking orders and delivering drinks, just like us, though we also delivered food now. With the amount of customers we've been having for the past few days, we really needed another pair of hands. During breakfast and dinner though, she would be sitting on the bar's counter playing her harp. She would only be able to play five songs, as her fingers would hurt if she had played longer, but this was where she got most of her tips. Some would pay even five silvers to hear her angelic voice singing some happy tunes before they went to work and after they returned from work.

The songs that Sul sang were common throughout Lytis, but with her beautiful voice and skilled play of the harp, there was a world of difference. Considering that women bards were seen as women of loose virtue and prostitutes often sang to promote themselves, there were hardly any female singers in Lytis outside of the dark alleys. So that was perhaps Sul's selling point, as not only was she talented, she was also too young to be seen as a woman of loose virtue.

Oh by the way, Lili still wouldn't speak to me. I'm so depressed... (TT^TT)

******

It was our sixth day of work that Lili finally spoke to me again, but only because of a certain event.

"My lady, we need to hide!"

"Lili, you're finally speaking to me again. I miss you!"

"No, that's not the issue."

"Lili, I zweear, I whuzn na mlezter. You mizundeztooood!"

"Yes yes, now let's go hide."

"Lili, phleaze zay you blieve..." I said with my nose full of snot.

"Yes, I believe you. Let's hide."

"Why?" I asked as I blew my snot on a piece of napkin.

"That pirate captain is here."

"Eh?" I poked my head to the side a little, and at the entrance, a bunch of guys walked into the restaurant.

Leading in front was that pirate captain Keimo, Keiro or Keizo. He walked with a strong, dignified gait suggesting that he was a man of strong character or someone respected. With his bronze breastplate and four henchmen following behind, he looked like someone who was no stranger to battle. Unfortunately, this whole atmosphere was ruined by the presence of my girly Dusk Claw, a beautiful thin steel sword that he hung on the left side of his belt.

At least he hadn’t seen us yet.

"Lili, let's run out from the back door!"

"Yes!"

"Felicia! Why are you skulking around like a thief? And you too, Lili, what are you doing?!" Nara scolded when she came around the kitchen with a tray full of lunch.

"Princesssss!!!!"

Aw shit, he saw us. Too late to run now.

"Princess, we've been looking all over the city for you. We were worried something happened to you."

"Err, hi Koizo," I said as I slowly walked to his table.

"It's Keito."

"Whatever. Anyway, what do you want to eat?"

Koito looked at me, then noticed Lili and looked back at my dress. "Princesssss!!!! What's the meaning of this? Why are you and your attendant dressed as bar wenches?!"

"You're noisy, make an order or get out. You're disturbing the other customers."

"Prinzezzzz, lezz go baaack. You need to go baaack!" he cried while clinging to my hands.

What's with this childish behaviour? This is totally different from the time when he was captured. Is this how he normally acts when he doesn't have to act tough? Is this what is called ‘personality gap’? To tell the truth, it's annoying.

"Lili," I said as I pulled back my hands and folded my arms under my breasts, or under what should be breasts, if I had any.

"Yes." Lili then proceeded to put the pirate captain in an armlock.

"Order. Now," I commanded.

"Today'z zpecial, prinzezz," Koito said wincing with his left arm locked behind him.

"Alright, five of today's special and beer."

"Umm, princess, I'd like roasted lamb if you have it?"

"4 today's special, then."

"Princess, I'd like braised chicken."

"Jeez, if you want different meals, you should've asked earlier! Fine, roasted lamb, braised chicken and today's special for the rest of you."

"I'd like-"

"Too late! Today's special for you," I said as I delivered the order to Nara.

"I know you're a noblewoman but are you really a princess?" Nara asked.

"Ah no, don't listen to that idiot. He must've been dropped as a child."

"Prinzeeeezz, lez go baaacck..."

"Oi, quiet over there! You're my first knight now, act like one!"

Without my knowing it, my reply reinforced the other patron’s beliefs that I really was a princess. It became annoying very quickly, but I couldn't be bothered to fix the situation. Too many things happened shortly afterwards that were a lot more important than being misunderstood as a princess.

"So talk," I said as I sat on a chair that one of the men politely vacated after their meal.

"Prinzeezzzz, where 'ave you beeeen? We looked all over ze zity!"

I flicked Koito's forehead with my fingers.

"Talk like normal people."

"Uhh," Koito took a few minutes to compose himself. He wiped the tears in his eyes and blew the snot from his nose before he said, "The ransom negotiation has concluded."

"Oh? That's great news. Took longer than expected, but at least it's done. So is father and brother already on the ship?"

"That's the problem, princess. They left your father and brother behind."

It took a moment to sink in, but when it did, I yelled, "THEY DID WHAT?!!!!"

My yell was accompanied with sounds of shuffling feet and screeching chairs. Through the red haze of my vision I could see that the patrons near our table were listening in on our conversation, but that wasn't my problem at that point. There was an even bigger issue at hand here.

"That's not all, princess. They also wanted to set sail immediately without you. Gani and Mr. Lustri are doing their best to dissuade them, but they can't go against the nobles, princess."

"Those blasted bastards!" I said with gritted teeth.

"Umm, if possible, would you not release your anger on me, princess?"

Ah, I only just realized that I was gripping Koito's upper arms with my iron-like grip.

"They've also taken over your cabin, princess," one of his henchmen added.

"THEY DID WHAT?!!!" I pushed Koito hard, causing him to fall against the chair under him, smashing the chair into splinters.

"You idiot, was it so hard to wait until she let me go?"

"Sorry captain."

"Return to the ship at once!" I ordered.

"Wait, my lady. Change first," Lili suggested.

I looked at my clothes and realized that I couldn't just go rampage in a barmaid's dress.

"Change clothes at once, then return to the ship! Boss, I'm quitting the job!"

"Sure," Nara said from the other side of the bar.

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9 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Yay! I've been waiting for this lol Thanks for reading.

      Delete
  2. Thanks for the chapter... A little too much detail about the game a little too less detail about in the time skip or the negotiations...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your comment. The exposition about the card game will be useful soon. Please keep on reading. Thanks.

      Delete
  3. I really liked your work, but it still has some slight issues.

    First of all is the otherworldly knowledge. It's fine if your MC has knowledge about war, ships, agriculture, and practically everything else in the world, but it needs to be justified. As opposed to what Gun-Ota does, with the intense fanaticism of the MC for guns, your MC's knowledge is too widespread to be justified by simple medieval otaku, or warfare otaku. One way to fix it would be to make the MC an old man. It would certainly explain his vast amount of knowledge, but then you'd also have to fix her way of speaking, along with thinking. Another option would be to make them some sort of genius scientist, or a medieval studies scholar. It would justify it either way. Personally, I find that genius is overused, and a medieval studies scholar would lend it more depth, along with making it more relatable in terms of how Felicia would think. Regardless of you choice, it's crucial that you insert throughout the story references to her past life, as it would explain the knowledge better,

    The second think that needs to be fixed is how Felicia deals with the bandits being hanged. Sure, she breaks down from watching them die, but considering how she just murdered four other bandits beforehand personally, her distress and shock should have hit her far sooner. Felicia, by the time of the hanging, should already by sobbing and muttering incoherently, instead of as she watches the bandits die.

    Third is how the inventions in the story work. Steel had already been around for a long time in our medieval period. In fact, it had been produced 4000 years ago already, and the Romans were also using it. It seems implausible that the people of that world, given how advanced they already are at the current time, are unable to make nor cope with steel. The idea of the plough has a different problem. Though you already justified it, and stated that the villagers used wooden ploughs, to the average reader, unfamiliar with medieval technology, would assume from how you write that no such invention ever existed before.

    Fourth of my minor grievances is the lack of religion. Since the relative ignorance of your people is high, I would assume many would be religious to a certain extent. Instead, not a single word of religion, other than the word god referring to the truck has been used. This seems to be in dire need of fixing, as it would reshape your world immensely, unless you can give justification for the faithlessness of your people.

    Other than that, I think the story's wonderful. The characters are developing greatly, and aren't really flat. Felicia is charming and cute, but also devious at the same time. You have very few spelling errors, and I didn't catch any grammar mistakes. In the future, I'd recommend using a spellchecker very quickly to check, and Hemingway App to make sure your writing is strong. Sorry for the long comment, but I think it's important for a reader to be able to articulate what they think is wrong so an author can reflect upon it, reject or accept the advice, and possibly improve.

    Grammarcheck: http://www.grammarcheck.net/editor/
    Hemingway App: http://www.hemingwayapp.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, thank you for your comment. I always welcome constructive criticism so that I can improve my skills. Now, as for my answer to the points raised.

      You raised a good point with her background. Truth be told, Systems Engineer was just a placeholder until I can find a better background. I thought 're-enactor' is enough to explain it. Perhaps, I've been wrong. I'm thinking of changing it to Professor of Ancient and Medieval History.

      I'm not sure if I have mentioned it before, but Felicia stated that she has no problem killing people when her own life is on the line. She can't handle executions as the people being sentenced to death can't fight for their own lives and she can't justify it by saying that it's either her or them. I know I put that somewhere, but I forgot which chapter. I'll try to make it clearer and add a little emotional anguish in the final copy.

      Thank you for bringing it up. In this world, they have wrought iron and cast iron in abundance, and while there are steel, they don't understand exactly how it's formed and it's often the accidental result of cast iron gone wrong, which makes steel a high priced good. They have just transitioned from bronze for about a century when Felicia's story started. I probably should mention that in the early chapters. I will also add a little more exposition about deep plough, since it seems to be a point of confusion among a few of my readers.

      There is no 'religion' in territories of the old empire, period. They don't have any word for 'god' or 'deity' in their vocabulary. Their faith relies heavily on 'respect of ancestral spirits' and 'reincarnation'. Therefore, their everyday lives follows the rule of reincarnation. As in, don't do bad things if you don't want to be reborn as an animal. Or don't kill the last child of a couple who have no siblings, since you need direct descendants to reincarnate. Therefore, if you really hate someone, you will kill them, their wives, their children, their grandchildren, their aunts/uncles and their first cousins. That ensures that they will not reincarnate and become restless ghosts, after which, the Spirit Clansmen will come and purify them. The Truck-chan isn't a god, at least she isn't the goddess of that world. Truck-chan is just a gatekeeper between our world and theirs. She has no power over their cycle of reincarnation and the people of that world have no knowledge of her existence, so you won't see her for the whole of Felicia's Second Life again. Though she will appear at the end of Felicia's Third Life.

      Thank you for your kind words and your suggestions. Thank you also for the apps. I'll see if I can make use of them. Please keep on reading Felicia's Second Life and if possible, buy it when it's finally out on your favourite ebook portals.

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  4. Replies
    1. Thank you very much for reading. Please keep supporting me.

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  5. her reaction was priceless.
    Thank you very much

    ReplyDelete

You may say whatever you want, even if you don't like the story. All I ask is that you be polite about it. For example, "You suck, you should rot in hell" and "Balduadapdahdaydai" are totally not acceptable. If your comment is "Your grammar is horrible, please find a grammar checker", then it's fine.